We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
