Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
