You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
