Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just want to make out with him forever
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
