yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
