apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
