Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
