I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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