he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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