do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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