toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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