Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
