My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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