i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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