Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
