And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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