one might say we're banned from that church
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
