My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
