Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
