We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
