its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
