Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
