we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
