y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Randomize
