This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
