cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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