No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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