i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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