dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
