i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
