Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize