You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
