Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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