I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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