Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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