Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
