He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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