a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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