sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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