I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize