i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
and she was petting her beer can
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
