i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
