No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
