if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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