the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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