i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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