when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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