I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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