He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
