It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
