I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
