A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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