I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
