Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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