the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
