Please, let me fuck your mom
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
