It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I would fuck him just for his dog
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
