i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dignity is for republicans.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
