That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
