Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
