ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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