k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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