Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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