You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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