If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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