I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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