I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
