So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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