i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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