People in love make me want to vomit
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
