I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
