Duck Duck Cougar?
I've blown a few things in my day
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
