Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
