I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
