watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
