I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we're so committed to being not committed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
