That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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