Moan for me like Helen Keller
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
