hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
