He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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