I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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