Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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