i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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