your thong is hanging out like whoa
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
