Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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