He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
