And the cops told us we were all naked.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
