he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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