exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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