so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
