my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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