I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
