My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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