wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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