I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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