i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
