One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
