We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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