if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
