So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
