He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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